I saw this commercial on TV and I got really excited. Dan Marino looked so cool throwing the football and he really looked like he was in great physical shape. Nutrisystem makes all these meals for you and delivers them for $400 every 28 days. And, get this, the meals are healthy and if you eat their meals you'll lose weight and you don't need to go to the supermarket every 3 days. This is a No-Brainer!
Anyway, as you all know by now, I'm an impulsive idiot and I sign up for the program like a shot and I'm into it like a pig into shit. Like, I can't even sleep at night because I'm so excited!
Soon the stuff arrives and I'm good to go! I'm so excited that I have my first dinner meal at 3.00pm. I just couldn't wait for 7.00pm.It was pretty cool and the food was not bad. I thought it was edible enough as long as I was going to lose weight and it was healthy.
After a week or so, I realize that I'm not getting along so well with this program. I'm starting to eat my dinner for breakfast and I'm eating my lunch at midnight and all sorts of weird stuff like that, and I say to myself "WTF!You're such an Idiot!" (and this is strange because I know that I'm an idiot, so why would I tell myself that I'm an idiot?) . These are like TV dinners and they taste mediocre, at best. What a load of crock! I can make spaghetti bolognaise, ravioli with cheese, lasagna with meat sauce, cajun chicken with rice and all that stuff. I can make it for half the price and it'll taste fresh and exactly the way I like it.
So I hop into my car and I'm off to the supermarket and I buy a whole lot of fruit and vegetables, chicken and fish and I come home and cook myself this amazing meal - fresh and healthy with proteins and vitamins and nutrients and anti-oxidants. I sit down and while I'm chomping on my fresh, crispy salad I start flipping channels and I come across the Nutrisystem commercial and as I see Marino lobbing the football, I suddenly realize why he looks so lean and in such good shape - the guy's not wearing his shoulder pads and helmet!!
While he was on the program, he was probably hopping into his car every night and heading out to Don Shula's Steakhouse!
Anyway, one day while eating some fish, I come up with this brilliant idea (that's what happens when you eat fish which, we all know, is good for your brain).I come up with a business plan for a new diet called the "TLS Diet". I'm going to register the name so that no one else can copy the idea.
The TLS diet is going to be exactly like the Nutrisystem diet but entirely different.We will deliver meals to our customers and we will charge them $500 per month but, here's the brilliant part, we will guarantee that they will lose at least 15lbs every month that they are on the TLS diet. If they do not lose 15lbs or they are not satisfied with the program then we will reimburse them with 75% ($375) of the cost. My financial advisor, Rick (I met him in a pub), says that it is a rock solid business plan because if we have 1000 customers per month and if, in a worst case scenario, all of them claim the 75% reimbursement (which is possible) then we will still make $125,000 per month. Rick claims that the key to the business plan is to keep the cost of goods as low as possible. I don't think we will have a problem with that because our goal is to make people lose weight and the customers won't mind if the portions are small because the food will be pretty much inedible and thats why the Tastes Like Shit diet will be such a huge success!
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