This week I was in Buffalo with my buddy Jeremy. When you're in Buffalo there are only two things to do. You can watch the Bills or you can eat Wings. The Bills weren't playing because it's still baseball season so we head out to Coles on Elmwood for some Wings.We get there and order beers and Jeremy then orders like 48 wings. I think to myself that 48 is a lot of wings for 2 idiots to consume in one sitting. Then, believe it or not, he asks me what I'm having!! I say " Yea right...you're joking me!". But get this....the guy was serious! Now, Jeremy is not a fat guy or obese or anything abnormal but I know he runs marathons and stupid stuff like that so he probably burns all the calories or maybe he's got good metabolism (I'm not sure what that is but I heard Jon Stewart use that word once and he's a smart guy). Anyway, I just order a burger and settle in to watch him obliterate the wings of 24 friggin' chickens! He actually finished 44 of them...he said the other 4 had too much sauce on them..or something stupid like that.
So, I see two problems here. Firstly, too many Americans eat ridiculously large portions. Secondly, too few Americans run marathons to burn off excess calories. Do you see where I'm going with this? You thought I was an idiot but I've been doing this blog for like a week now and some guys even think I'm already a bit of a "food guru" .
In reality, what happens when you go to a restaurant? You order a beer and a starter and then you're main course, right? So you get a Coors and a salad and some calamari and a couple of buns to start off. Now if you were starving when you arrived then you are no longer starving after your starters, right? So why the f*#k would you order a 20oz Sirloin instead of an 8oz Sirloin? Is it like a macho thing or what? ...and I haven't even mentioned the dessert yet!!
Now, when you order a sirloin steak, you don't order it because you want to puke or belch or fart. You order it because you like the taste. So in order to enjoy the sirloin all you need to do is order an 8oz, chew on it slowly and and savor the flavor (wow! that rhymes...maybe I can use that as some sort of catch phrase when I become a food guru). You don't need a 20z steak that you stuff down your throat without tasting it or chewing it properly. But we want to show that we are macho so we do it anyway ....and we belch and fart and puke and feel like shit...but we're macho!!
The portions we eat are just too big and that's why we're becoming an obese nation...get it??
If I was one of those Dentyne or Wrigley guys I would invent a chewing gum that tastes like sirloin steak. So, when you go to Morton's for a steak, all you need to do is order an 8 oz steak, savor the flavor while you're chewing on the steak, and then you just pop a piece of sirloin flavored Dentyne gum in your mouth and you chew away. You'll feel great...no puking, no belching, no farting and you'll control your weight and maintain a more balanced diet. You don't need that 20oz piece of meat!!
So (all together now),why are we becoming such an obese nation?
It's all in the portions, stupid!
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