The other day this guy comes to me for advice on diabetes (actually, that's a lie - I just made it up because I've got a food blog and I want to appear to be an expert. No one ever comes to an idiot for advice). Anyway, he tells me that he suffers from diabetes but he really likes stuff like Coke and candies and cake and, especially, marshmallows. So he asks me what he should do. I look at him in disbelief. I can even feel my eyes bulging while I'm looking at him. Listen, you schmuck, you can't eat that stuff ! You've got diabetes - you'll kill yourself. I explain to him that, if you've got diabetes, the blood doesn't flow properly through your veins to your digits and they have to be amputated (something like that - I think I saw it on the Simpsons or some other TV show).
You people out there with diabetes have to understand that you must cut out all sweet stuff from your diet. If you don't do that you'll be in deep shit. You'll need to get your toes amputated when the disease sets in - so, while you can, just stop eating anything that is remotely sweet!
You know, I really dig beautiful blonde chics with big tits. Unfortunately, I'm no oil painting and I'm not very smart, so I just target short ugly chics. I don't even bother with beautiful blondes.
If you've got diabetes you should follow the same strategy. You should just target food with no sugar like broccholli, potatoes, tomatoes, lettuce, celery, fish and meat. That should be enough for you. By the way, don't drink Coke and Sprite. Drink water - you're pretty safe with good ol' H2O.
I'm writing this blog because I can never remember stuff that I think about. I often come up with these brilliant ideas but, when I tell my friends about them, they look at me like I'm weird. So I'm just going to use this blog to keep a record of all the stuff that comes into my head. I'm not such a bright spark so some of the things I say sometimes sound a little stupid. It will be really cool if you leave your comments on my blog....but please don't tell me I'm an idiot ....like, I already know that I am an idiot...so it would be idiotic to leave a comment telling me that I'm an idiot!
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